I am an eccedentesiast

Day I

2012-02-23T01:55:00.002-08:00

I. Spaghetti, half container.
II. Burger, lettuce and ham.
III. 7 Strawberries with nutella.

2012-02-09T01:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I look at you and I think those thoughts I should of passed away long ago. Like when you smile so handsomely, or when you make me laugh by the sound of your joking voice. When we tease each other and joke, it's so hard not to see you that way. I'm scared, nay, terrified I'm going to do something that jeopardizes this friendship; if we're playing around like we did just over an hour ago and you lent in close and it feel so much like you were going to kiss me, it set my heart on fire in such a passionate way. What if one day I actually do kiss you, the sheer embarrassment would tare me apart into places I don't want to go again. It's like torture, hearing people saying everyone but me would end up with you. So shy, whispering into your eyes with mine for you to feel the same way; but I don't want this friendship we hold so dear to end. Me, being the person I am would shatter it into a million pieces under the space of a week, maybe even a day. I don't want to like you, even now saying that I 'like' you is an understatement, I don't love you unless it's for friendship, for that I adore you, but it's more like an invisible coat of arms around me, protecting me from hate, anger and sadness within. I'm in between love and lust, like and adore, a crush and hopelessness.

You, with her, does not cause jealously like I thought it would. Does not pain me, or wish that I had chosen this words sooner, even though you would have rejected them so quickly I would have feel down a deep dark hole, always trying but failing to escape. It eases me so much to say, you love her and for that, I am glad. You have someone in your life that makes you happy, to be worth living. For that, I thank her each and everyday. I do not wish for you to break her precious little heart, for her, I do not want to harm. Mainly, for you to understand, what it feels like to be me, with my taped up heart, it is hard to not fall for you when you were the only one there when he left me.

I wish you all the best. Not that I'm going anywhere time soon, but I'm sure if I did, you'd come after me, not as a lover, or someone who needs me, but for me to need you. Not in the way, you need someone to love you, when you do not intend to love them back. For protection, against the world. Thank you, for everything.

2011-09-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

If anyone remembers me posting my ballerina diet a while back, it was a bit different than this. But my ballet season is just starting off, so I decided to re-write it and post it back on here with some modifications. This is my plan, I completely wrote it myself. Please don’t go copy and paste my writing and claim credit for it like someone did last time, that’s just rude and disrespectful and it stops me from sharing things like this with you guys in the future. Anyway, it takes the course of a month to complete the diet, and once you’re finished with it, it’s expected to be maintained as a lifestyle as opposed to a fast way to drop 10lbs and gain it back a few weeks later. The reason there is no exercise included in this diet plan is because it’s customized to fit me and my life. Again, I’m not posting this for everyone to follow this exactly, but instead to take ideas from it. I’ve been asked to re-post this so many times, but I’ve always been hesitant because it’s really not made for everyone— it’s cut out exactly for me. I’m a ballerina and I train all weekdays, so the diet works for me to trim down on fat while my training tones my body in the right places that give you a “ballerina figure.” Last year I lost 18 pounds in a matter of 30 days on a slightly modified version of this, but I extended the cleansing period. You can change it up as much as you want, but expect the results to change with it as well.

Week 1

Cleansing period. Strictly all natural liquids for the next seven days, body must be completely cleansed and flushed out of all toxins and unwanted chemicals. Water, fresh squeezed fruit and vegetable juices, green tea, black tea or a combination of hot water with lemon and honey. If you take supplements and multivitamins, continue with those but be cautious that pills on an empty stomach can cause nausea. No food, no cheating. If you sincerely can’t handle this or feel sick/unwell after more than three days, stop this diet or move on to week two. You should be able to function just fine, you should never feel weary or weak. If you can’t, then there’s a problem and you should stop immediately.

Week 2

You’ll be starting with a blank slate and a clean system, don’t mess it up. No junk food, no soda, no dairy, no meat. Continue drinking large amounts of fruit juices, teas, water, etc. and add in a banana for breakfast, and opt for something healthy for dinner. I would go for marinated tofu over a small side salad with red wine vinegar, or a side of steamed asparagus with lemon. Avoid rice, bread, yeast, all grains— they retain water and make you look and feel bloated. Same with sodium, consume as little as possible. Cut all meals in half, you will not eat the portions you normally do as to get your body used to eating less. If you want to maintain your weight, by all means— eat as much as you regularly do. For people who want to shed pounds fast, you have to remember that when you feel hungry it’s because your body hasn’t had enough food to maintain the weight you are currently at. If you want to lose weight, you will have to suffer through some hunger. Do not confuse this with starvation, you are simply reducing the size of your food capacity— which for most people, is too high anyway. If you made it through week one successfully, you should be able to do this with ease. Just deal with it.

Week 3

By now, your stomach will have adjusted to eating smaller portions so you can add in a smoothie for the lunch portion of your day. Keep a container of your favorite soy ice cream (must be vegan— absolutely not regular ice cream or frozen yogurt, they vary greatly in levels of fat and carbohydrates than dairy-free brands), and a bag of your favorite frozen fruits. I use mango, strawberry, raspberry lemonade and dairy-free pineapple sherbet to make my smoothies but you can add whatever you want. Remember to add ice, and combine as desired. Note that using fresh fruit for your smoothie isn’t ideal, it will always come out liquidy no matter how much ice you overcompensate with. You should keep a frozen bag of your favorite fruits in your freezer.

Week 4

Keep doing your thing. One fruit (banana, peach, bowl of berries, etc.) for breakfast. A natural fruit smoothie for lunch. A healthy, home-made, non-processed meal for dinner— continue cutting your meals in half. If you’ve begun to make smaller portions since starting this diet, that’s normal. Continue to cut them in half and save the rest for tomorrow. The purpose of this is to prevent overeating and save time in the kitchen cooking. After the last day, it’s been exactly one month and if you’ve kept on track with this diet 100%, you will not have consumedany junk food or drinks the last 30 days and will have a 50% reduced appetite. You will have little to none/reduced cravings for sweet, sugary foods and will feel much better about yourself. If no cheating, you may have lost up to 20 pounds in the span of a month. It’s an extremely hard diet to follow, but if you’re doing it for a greater cause, it’s worth it.

Please note that I wrote this diet myself. Hence the title, I’m a ballerina. It’s the start of the season and I need to drop my summer vacation weight. Once the diet is completed, it’s much more than that— it’s a way of life. These eating habits are not only 100% vegan friendly, but also completely suffice for all the food groups you genuinely need. If you have any questions, feel free to message me.

2011-07-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Like a lot of people are dying these days.", "Maybe I should follow the crowd then." She whispered, replying. Although she thought about it most of the time, she would really like to know, how it would not feel, to be non living anymore.

2011-06-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

What I need to buy, because I want to;

Button up shirts, colored.
More skirts, not just black.
Long, v-neck colored shirts to go with waist belts.
Waist typed belts.
Nice, not high heeled shoes to go clubbing & nice occasion.
Long necklaces to show off breast (best feature).
Non-black skinny, or non skinny jeans / pants.
Work / evening wear pants.
Nice shirts, not just singlets.
Earrings for first hole. Big, long, non studded, etc.

2011-06-27T04:22:00.001-07:00

Stephen Payne Its bluebadabeedadumba. Lol
August 24, 2010 at 11:42pm · · 1 person
Myra Smith Er, thanks...
I think. O.o
August 25, 2010 at 8:07am ·
Stephen Payne Your welcome. XD lol.
August 25, 2010 at 12:50pm ·
Myra Smith lmao. (:
August 25, 2010 at 7:26pm ·
Stephen Payne Omg that smiley has a unibrow!... Oh wait its just facing the other way.
August 25, 2010 at 11:00pm ·
Myra Smith Then it wouldn't be a smiley face, it'd just be eyes and a uni brow. (: )
August 25, 2010 at 11:11pm ·
Stephen Payne Lol thats actually pretty cool.lol ): ) lol )XD you make me lol.
August 26, 2010 at 12:45am ·
Myra Smith looks quite confusing when you first look at it though, looks like you made a happy and a sad face. xD
August 26, 2010 at 1:13am ·
Stephen Payne ‎(:) its a clam! Lol
August 26, 2010 at 11:10am ·
Myra Smith Lmao, i claim that clam! (:)
August 26, 2010 at 11:14am ·
Stephen Payne Clam it up why don't ya?
August 26, 2010 at 1:03pm ·
Myra Smith clam it up where?
August 26, 2010 at 1:11pm ·
Stephen Payne Lol, where would one clam something? Lol i have no idea. Lol.
August 27, 2010 at 2:00am ·
Myra Smith up ya clam hole!
August 27, 2010 at 6:22am ·
Stephen Payne OMG! THATS CLAMTASTIC. LOL
August 27, 2010 at 12:47pm ·
Myra Smith I have no more clam related puns. :(
August 27, 2010 at 1:28pm ·
Stephen Payne Lol tis ok.
August 27, 2010 at 1:34pm ·
Myra Smith Or is it?
August 27, 2010 at 1:47pm ·
Stephen Payne Lol?
August 27, 2010 at 4:31pm ·
Myra Smith Pudding.
August 27, 2010 at 5:37pm ·
Stephen Payne Clam pudding? Pudding flavoured clam?lol XD
August 28, 2010 at 5:10am ·
Myra Smith Nah, puddings in clams.
August 28, 2010 at 7:15am ·
Stephen Payne Mmmmmmm.... Pudding.
August 28, 2010 at 2:38pm ·

2011-06-12T22:30:00.003-07:00

I feel although we’re so distance, and although your gone, your still here with me.
Even though you left me for her, I still have those sweet dreams.
Everything is in the past now, I can’t say I don’t have those thoughts.
Of what you and I could have become if I didn’t walk away.

I looked back on those chats we had a few months back.
And I can’t say they didn’t bring tears to my eyes.

All those times, I feel for your stupid ‘I love you’ lies.
I felt so special, I felt so loved.

I wish I knew what I know now, I would have earlier said goodbye.

We’ve moved on now, you haven’t got her and I’ve found him
But, I know you still think about me when you’re lying in bed at night.
So while you’re lying there alone, while I’m with laying him,

I want you to know you had me, loved me, almost fucked me and now you’ve lost me.

I hope you see me and him together, I hope it breaks your heart like you broke mine.

2011-06-12T22:30:00.001-07:00

The waves crashed onto the rocks as slow whispers came from the oceans floor. Wind blew high from the trees and the coldness swept through the dark lonesome woods near by. Ella was sitting on the rocks, the breeze brushing sprinkles of salt water into her delicate silky brown hair. She seemed quiet, alone and at peace, but something was haunting her, something that nagged me, something I needed to know. I peered out of the woods, yellow eyes crystallize in the stormy but some how very glistening sun. She did not hear me, nor did she see me, but she never really did, especially on the days she was like this. Oh, how I wanted to touch her long soft hair, touch her beautiful pale face and whisper to her how I’ve always wanted her. But I know I can’t, I can’t touch her, or make her hear me. So, I watch her, try to keep her safe the best way I can until that day where I will tell her and she will be mine.

It was another cloudy day, the sun hidden in the dark misty fog; another blanket of snow slowly touched the streets of Macadarn, it was a small town, filled with tiny houses, a bakery and 2 shops, almost 64 miles from the nearest down. Macadarn was covered by the woods and what most people were afraid of, that’s why only the true locals lived here. Macadarn was always covered with dark skies, cold, wet weather and hash winds from the sea not too far away. This place was unique and even though not many people came here because they were afraid of attacks on humans from the wildlife, it was always filled with 1 or 2 tourist trying to ‘escape’, but all ended up hating it because of the furious weather. This town seemed to change when new people came along, that’s how it was when Ella and her sister came here to visit their dad for summer holidays. Everything changed that day, well for me it did.

I remember how young she was when she first visited her dad here. I guess she was around 7, cute checks blossomed as she stepped out of her dad’s car with her sister Victoria, who was 15 at the time. Ella wore her favourite jeans and jumper, with her pink floppy hat that she lost 3 days after being there. She’d always walk around the town, no matter how violent the weather was, whenever I seen her she’d always be so peaceful and happy; it made me feel so open and carefree. Her sister was never like this, she was always inpatient, rude and was always seen being smug and out of place from everyone else in the town. Every summer, when the rain was the softest of all, she’d come visit with her sister. Her father, was the local doctor in this small town, nicknamed Susan, he was always feared for leaving the town without medical need since his daughters lived so far away in Washington with their high classed mother Bethany, but he loved this town and would never bear to leave.
When Ella turned 12, her mother died. She was at her father’s house when the phone rang. I was quietly watching from outside, trying not to be seen when I heard tears and a light sob from the kitchen. Her Aunty had just told her about a car crash and that her mother wasn’t going to make it through the day. For the rest of the summer, people from the town, including my father, the local fisherman brought food and always helped out with the house and Susan’s daughters. Ella, unlike her sister, never went back home. She just stayed with her father, never being the same again. I wanted to so much to let Ella be that girl she once was. I still love her, whenever I see her, but there is a dark past that fills her with grief. I wish I could change that, everyday.

2011-06-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

This year feels out of place, out of time. Like, we’ve missed a month or two and no one has bothered to check it. I feel as though I’m drifting away from my best friend because I haven’t seen her in weeks and my other best friend is becoming with me again. I feel everything about her, I know what she’s thinking, when she feels like shit and when she needs a laugh. I could never tell that with Cassie, she’s just like a secret bubble ready to pop with deep dark horrors no one knows about her. That scares me the most about her some times. Every time we plan anything with her she just seems to drift off from us like a original leave leaving the pile. It’s because she wants to go down south and make her future and her memories there. What she doesn’t realize if she keeps drifting away like this, she’ll be nothing left except a distance memory. I feel as though Cassie is going to be working for her mother forever, if it’s just not for Subway, for her brothers bail money or because her mum is in hospital from lung cancer because she smokes too much. I had to stop talking to Cassie today while on instant chat, I could just feel her drift apart from me, but she was still in her room in her house just different. I got upset, but didn’t really show it, I wanted to yell and scream at her that what she’s doing is hurting me, hurting our group. She might have friends where she wants to go, but she also has friends up here, and she spends more time up there then she does down there. Sometimes I think this is God’s fault because she wants to be fully Christian, but I know deep down it helps her deal with things in her life, how she sees things happen. When she talks about it, there is a voice in her throat that’s so powerful it speaks to you, even though you don’t fully understand what she’s saying. It’s overwhelming. That’s also something that scares me about her sometimes.

I went riding with Kirra today, she’s my longest best friend ever, the ‘other’ best friend who I only see occasionally on weekends and every Thursdays. We’ve been spending a lot of time together this holidays, I like it because I can talk to her and it seems like she understands everything. I’ve only realized in these past weeks how beautiful her personality is, peaceful and full of heart her smile is. If come to realize that Kirra and Cassie are very different people. First time on the holidays I and Kirra along with my older sisters went out to Casuarina and we were eating sushi and Kirra put her head on me. It scared me a bit because Cassie has never done anything like that before. The only time we ever touch is when we walk to close and our hands awkwardly touch. I missed Kirra’s affectionness, mainly because I’m a very loving affectionness person.

Every time I look at my fish in their fish tank I think about all the guys I’ve liked this year. I don’t really know why, but it brings back memories I wish I don’t have. There is only three boys I’ve liked I really remember, first Matt my first love, my first mistakeable horrible jealous filled love. Ended with drifting apart and him fucking his friend from Canberra, but that was no worry, I wasn’t really his girlfriend, because he already had one. I tend to now fall for guys that have girlfriends who they claim to love but still claim to ‘love’ me. Like my half current, half wanting to kill crush Freddie. Don’t worry, I haven’t done anything with him, well I basically can’t since he lives in Denmark with his ‘perfect, always I’m missing you’ crap excuse of a girlfriend. I cannot deny that she is gorgeous and probably as nice as meth for a addict. But none the less, I’m a teenager and have a crush on someone, of course I’m not going to like his girlfriend, even though I’ve never met her. But then, there’s the last crush, the one that wants to drool out of my mouth and onto his lips. Ok, not anything like that. But, he’s cute and all around good for almost anyone. The only problem is he’s my ‘guy friend’ oh, and he’s 2 years younger than me, but hey that’s no deal. Truth be told, I feel nervous talking about him like this. I haven’t told anyone, but I think they know but spare my feelings because it probably looks like I’m trying to hide it, really hard. His name is Jack, 14 almost 15. Tall, cute and my mother loves him. What could be wrong? He doesn’t like me, I would totally ask (not) except that if he said no (what else would he say, pfft) it would be extremely awkward and I do not want that ever again, I’ve been through that many times. I don’t want it to happen again. Never, ever again.

Its Christmas Eve tonight, 10:19PM to be exact and even though for the past 10 days I’ve been almost killing myself with a metal rock wanting Christmas right now it’s just not happening for me tonight. I sort of know why I’m not excited, maybe because I know I’m not getting as many presents this year or maybe, just maybe it’s because my sisters are leaving away from home now and I hate it so much. If they were both here right now, we’d all be begging to open one present before midnight. See, we have this tradition where if we stay up ‘till midnight, we get to open one present. The first time we did it I got a barbie doll I’ve always wanted, my middle sister Aimee, got hair stuff and my oldest sister, Zoey got a battery charger. She complained till we went to bed that she wanted to open another present. Tonight, since it was only me, my mum’s boyfriend of almost 11 years Mark and my mum, we decided to do it earlier, I got my favourite authors series of books, The Tomorrow Series by John Marsden. I love his books, they let me escape with their odd titles and fascinating characters that I want so badly to be. I’ve always deep down wanted to be an author, but I’m never that good at writing anything basically, I look focus and have a great start and middle but I never get to the ending, so I keep dragging it and dragging it...

Christmas day today, I woke up with ease at 6am because the phone was ringing. Apparently it was my Uncle Bob in Alaska saying Merry Christmas. Little did he know it was 6am here and there was still Christmas Eve. My mum has lots of family members that usually aren’t real families, just good old friends that you say are your family as you grow up. I slowly tried going back to sleep but couldn’t shake the feeling of Christmas, I was not excited nor determined to open my presents but more grumpy then anything. When I finally decided that my fate was to wake up I got up and went outside to wait for my sisters to arrive with my three parts family. When they did arrive I got moody for some reason, and spited they’re being here. When all the presents were organised everywhere, no one wanted to open theirs first, like a odd awkward hot dry breeze came through. Once someone broke it, it was fine and off we went under the tree searching for presents for us and from us. I will not state what I had got, because some of my personal life was actually personal, and even though personal to me is I’ve told all my friends, it’s still guarded with a key and lock safe in my mind. After my sisters left to adventure present giving to their closet friends, me, Mark my mum’s boyfriend and her set out food plans for lunch time, wrapping up ham and making it presentable, while Mark occasionally had 2 or 3 beers as we were working. Sometimes when I do work in the kitchen with my mum like that, I tend to want to get everything done right at that second, like doing one simple thing like making a salad is not enough, then I tend to rush everything so it all goes to waste anyway. After my sisters came back our cousin but not so much our cousin but more like my mum’s old best friend daughter and kids came over. We gave them their present and they gave them ours. I sometimes babysit the kids, their names are Tay-Tay and Dizzy, but of course, they are their short names. As Mark finished preparing the food for lunch my sisters, my mum and my cousin Mel went outside to socialize as I sat in my room, hearing them from my window. Their loud noises echoed my whole space as my sisters augured and my mum and Mel laughed. Sometimes I wish to be a part of it all, but when I am, I feel out of place like no one wants me there.

After Mel and her kids followed along we sat down to eat lunch. We of course with good manners thanked our mum but she had to be reminded that she did get help from me and Mark, but there was still a hush hush after she said it. Lunch was filling, I had one plate and was full, after everyone else had three we all went to sleep. Me and my sister, Aimee in my room the aircon blaring. Mum and Mark in their room of course and Zoey in the spare, all with the aircon’s on. About 2 hours later we all awoke and made our way to Korina’s, my cousins. Of course on the way there, there were a few moments where I wanted to screw off my sisters head, Zoey was the annoying one, but hey, she didn’t get sleep.. So we must always feel sorry for her. When everyone was settled we opened presents and they opened theirs. They got a Wii from all of us and a few games.

2011-06-12T22:22:00.001-07:00

Creatures with big eyes come out to play tonight.
Big teeth, big smiles, you better make sure you can run for miles!
‘Cause they’re coming after you, yeah for you, going to share your skinless bones too.

I hope you can fly real fast ‘cause they are almost there. Hopefully you can see where they are.
Oh shit, they’re there now, you better hide, hopping not to see that smile opened wide.

I call tell, they’ve found you now, don’t try to scream, don’t even try and run,

I’m going to take you apart, this is going to be fun!
What’s that? You say you love me? Well, it’s too late! I warned you, you ignored me, now accept your fate.
BITCH.

I miss Stephen.

2011-06-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

I hate how I miss him so much. I hate how I cry when I realize he's not coming home tonight. I hate how he said that he misses me more. I don't want to tell him that he will never miss me more. Until last night, I didn't think I'd miss him, at all really. I thought it would be relaxing. But no, it's not. It's horrible, I want my Stephen home with me. Snuggling up to me and kissing me, annoying me with his affection. I want him to text me like it's burning his heart to be away from me. It's how I feel, I guess he just doesn't miss me. I know it's terribly selfish for me to think like this at a time where it's about his feelings and family. I just wish I could stand it. It makes me think I'm not that strong for him to go away with his dreams. I'm scared now.. and all I wish was he'd be here with me.